Major ‘Indexed’ inspiration
Major ‘Indexed’ inspiration
(This blog post is a continuation to an earlier post called A Letter to My Wife)
I thought of writing to you much earlier but I got too busy discovering the ‘Emily’ you suggested me to. I do not want to thank you for it. I was Emily even then, I’m her even now and will be all my life. You mistook my identity as just your wife. A little girl in the neighborhood always called me Em because she thought Mrs. Friesen was too big a name. She smiled at me every time I came back from work.
I don’t want to pretend to you that everything’s a past and I’ve forgotten and forgiven. These words look good on the banners at Church but not in life. I was very hurt that you didn’t even consider talking to me while taking such a big decision. A decision that involved both of us. Yes, we found it difficult to express our love for each other but hey we never tried ‘calling it off’. That was new, we would’ve tried that new thing. I am amazed you noticed our relationship going inexpressive so late. I took note of it the day you came three hours after my miscarriage operation. When I said I needed you by my side, you said, “I’m here now and you’re fine right. Didn’t you have your family to take care of you? I had a very important meeting baby”. And kissed my forehead. We’ve known each other since university Ryan; you never kissed my forehead and looked away from me.
When you were away in California, I couldn’t sleep at nights. Remember I called you up at 3 in the night to tell you how right I was in knowing you wouldn’t like it there? The truth is – I wasn’t liking it here without you. I wanted to talk to you till I fell asleep but you had work the next morning. You surprised me when you took me out for dinner on our anniversary. Special days are for special expressions and I was really looking forward to spending time with you. We accidentally met one of your very important clients at the restaurant. I spent the entire evening with his wife talking about movies, magazines and scandals while you were busy bagging deals with your client on our anniversary evening. We lied to each other on having spent a good evening and slept off.
You were too busy with yourself to notice anything else around. I’m just glad you at least noticed ourselves going inexpressive. You were more in a relationship with your work than me. I must appreciate you for your letter and how well you’ve tried to cover up our failures by letting me know that you can never stop caring for me. It doesn’t help at all. When a relationship ends, it never ends mutually. One person moves on and another is left trailing. You can never empathize with me enough, Mr Friesen. Life and I will eventually catch up. I’m on my way. If this letter makes you feel bad and spoils your evening, consider it as my revenge on you for spoiling our anniversary evening. I know I can never settle scores with you but at least I’ve begun scoring. I’m fine otherwise. Thank you for the letter Ryan. I must say it was the most you’ve spoken to me in years.
I hope you take care of the woman in your life now. All the best.